I could have used a Pause button so many times this year. It’s been a hard one so far. There have been many moments where my brain can’t think of anything except, “Stop!” Stop the hospital visits. Stop the cancer. Stop the fear and anxiety and grief. Stop the contagion. Stop the kids growing up. … More Where’s the Pause Button?
We lost my older sister to cancer in February, which now seems like a different time altogether. It is surreal to live without her. It feels like these three months have flown by — how have we gone on for so long without her here? And yet, because of the current circumstances, it also feels … More How Do I Grieve You, Sister?
The very first time I got on an airplane, I flew from Newark Liberty Airport to Nice Côte d’Azur Airport in the south of France. The runways are as close to the Mediterranean Sea as an airplane should get. The skies are clear blue, the air is warm, and the water glistens. It is the Azure … More Sunshine Too Bright
I lit two candles for so much sorrow. I haven’t been able to pray because I don’t know how to ask God for anything beyond mercy. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. I lit one candle for those we’ve lost, those brought down, those left behind; And one candle for those who’ve taken, those who’ve … More I Lit Two Candles
Some days are so hard, so scary. I went to bed last night thinking about the bombing in Baghdad, about all those hundreds of people who lost their lives or their loved ones, about how there was so little coverage of it because … what? We don’t care about Iraqi people in the West? Or … More We’ve Had Enough
I’ve heard and read a lot of stories from people who have been hurt by church leaders or fellow Christians when they admit their doubts. Sometimes they are blamed or shamed for doubting. When hurting Christians admit they feel far away from God, they often are told to look for a sin in their life that … More We Have an Understanding
I was ready this year. Christmastime can be a whirlwind. I have this crazy tradition of editing together all my family’s photos and video clips to create DVDs for my sisters and brother of all their kids. It’s time consuming and I always create a schedule for myself to make sure I can get all … More Illness Knows No Schedule
Here’s what I know: the idea of losing my husband terrorizes me. We have one of those “I go first” deals that I’ve heard many a wife say they’ve made with their husbands. I don’t want life without him and when I think about it, the emotions of that grief and fear can overwhelm me. I … More I Pray for More Time
I have a strange fascination with grief, probably coming from death being my biggest fear– death of someone I love, death of my husband, death for me. It’s somewhat unreasonable how afraid I am of death, considering I am a person who believes that this life is not the end, that there is more, and that it … More Grief
When I married Chad in 2009, his father’s prostate cancer was already diagnosed and treatment was underway. It’s been a long journey. For a while, there was much hope that maybe it was under control, but in December 2011, right around Christmas, we gathered as a family to hear the details of the cancer’s aggressive … More In Sickness and In Health