seek. follow. love.

I meant to write about communication and media this week. I did. But I didn’t get to it. Turns out, there’s something about the beginning of the new year that keeps me from writing. Right around February last winter I lost track of my writing, and I’m trying really hard not to let that happen this year.

Last year in early January, I wrote about all the changes I had coming: a new job, my first semester in graduate school, house renovations, and writing a book. I assumed 2016 would my year of changes and I decided to roll with it. “Like any other year, there will be ups and downs, but unlike the last couple years, I think there will also be direction, decisions, steps forward. And I’m excited.”

Well, I’m going to keep rolling. About three weeks ago, I quit that new job so I can start a fellowship with my graduate program where I’ll be working on a project to encourage girls and women to pursue careers in science and technology, industries where they are vastly underrepresented. School, again, is taking over all my spare time, and our renovation is still happening, slowly, one piece of sheetrock or tile or plywood at a time. My book … well, I’ll get there someday.

When I made my moves about thirteen months ago, I figured it was just the beginning. Like I said then, direction, decisions, steps forward. I’m excited to feel like things are falling into place and new opportunities are opening up for me, even when I’m not expecting them. At one moment, it’s exhilarating and I can’t wait to see what’s next. The next moment, I’m completely overwhelmed by all the balls I’m juggling and how I could be changing my routine AGAIN. 

But I’m not doing it alone. I have so many people rooting me on and it just stops me in my tracks sometimes. It doesn’t take me longer than an instant to look back and see all those moments where someone gave me advice or encouragement or celebrated a milestone with me. I have the best friends and family on this journey with me, not least of all my husband who has never hesitated at giving me the chance to pursue any opportunity that’s come up.

More than once in the past few weeks I’ve thought about how the timing of all this is working out really well … I’ve become really comfortable with my own uncertainty, so I don’t look for the reasons. I’m sure God is working out everything to perfect timing, but I don’t like to guess at that, and think that I can understand his plans. I don’t think I can. And as exciting as new jobs and grad school classes are, I’m not sure those are the things he’s focusing on anyway. Those might just be the means to a bigger end, like the people along the way. Or not, who knows? But it does feel good to see things fitting together.

What I know more than ever is that no matter what comes next, my real job is to love. No matter what job or opportunity comes after this one, my real job will not change. It’s the hardest job I’ll ever do, but it’s by far the most important one too. 

This is me, putting my changes in perspective. I’m excited and nervous, and more than a little incredulous that it’s all changing again. And through all of it, I’m going to keep rolling with the change and I’m going to love.

Thanks for being on this journey with me.